Sammie

I walked around the empty backyard surveying the scene. I felt very alone and lost. No longer there was my loyal companion following me at my heels, looking up with me with a smiling face, anticipating my every move so lovingly and loyally. A simple chase, or a game of fetch, or just a pat on the head, Sammie was easy to please because she just loved being with me. And now, my beloved American Eskimo Sammie is gone.

Today I had to take her to the vet and have her put down. She was diagnosed with cancer of the leg, and the prognosis was not good. I had a couple of options, one being amputation, but our vet Dr. John Hetzler advised against it. Sammie was at least 11 years old but probably closer to 12 or 13. We never really knew because she was given to us by a stranger. The other option was to just try to make her comfortable with meds. We took the latter route, we had already gone through numerous surgeries with our cat Tigra and the inevitable occurred anyway, and Tigra's quality of life was pretty bad for a long time. We didn't want to go down that road again, so we chose quality over quantity.

*****

"Ya want her?", the man said with a southern drawl as he approached us. My wife Arlain and I had just exited the San Diego Humane Society when we admired this man's little white American Eskimo. He asked us the above question, and we were curious as to why he would just give away such a good looking dog. He went on to explain how this dog was running around his neighborhood for a whole week in the rain. He and his neighbors tried in vain to catch her for a week, and he finally got a hold of her. Unfortunately, he could not keep her as he lived in a townhouse that didn't allow pets. So he brought this dog to the Humane Society, but they could not take her without paperwork showing she was licensed, which she was not. So he asked us if we wanted her. It was either that or off to the pound, where it was questionable she would last 72 hours before being euthanized. We agreed to take her. That was May 1, 1994.

She was very hungry when we took her home. She gobbled down the dog food we bought for her too quickly. She ended up vomiting the food and then she buried the vomit, it seemed, to save it for later. She also found a dead, decomposed rat that a bird left behind and tried to eat it. Poor little dog, she had learned to survive on the streets.

We named her "Angel" at first, but that name didn't really stick. We then named her "Sammie" as in Samoyed, because that's what she looked like. We didn't know what kind of breed she was but she looked like a mini-Samoyed - through research we found out she was an American Eskimo. We put an ad in the newspaper but nobody responded, so she just kind of stuck around. Sammie became one of the family.

I would take her for a run or a walk almost daily. It was one of the joys of her life. She also loved going for rides with us and she would get excited everytime she would see a dog walking with their owner. She also loved being chased in the backyard. I could never catch her, she was lightning quick and agile. And smart too, she would use the tree to dodge me, and I could never get near her. "That is cheating" I would say to her, and she just smiled back at me in her American Eskimo smile.

She also loved to go to Dog Beach in Ocean Beach. We would let her run free, and she loved to frolic in the water. She fancied herself as a big dog, and this little American Eskimo would run with the St. Bernards, German Shepherds, and Labradors thinking she was just as big as they were. Coversely, the snob looked down on the little chihuahuas and yorkies, these were little dogs and she was a big dog I'm sure she thought.

For about 8 years in a row, until our second child Adam was born, we would without fail take her to the Walk for Animals sponsored by the Helen Woodward Center in Rancho Santa Fe. She just loved taking the 3 mile walk and it excited her to be around the other dogs.

Once we started having kids though, the focus on Sammie diminished unfortunately. As we focused on the kids, Sammie diligently stood by, but the rides in the car and the trips to Helen Woodward and Dog Beach became few and far between. We continued with the walking and running though, and Arlain trained for two marathons with Sammie - she was a great training partner.

Back in February of this year I noticed that Sammie was limping around on her hind leg. It wouldn't go away, so I took her to see Dr. Hetzler, and that's where we received the news. It was grim, but we determined to make her last days as comfortable as possible. We took her walking again, and this time with the kids in tow. We gave her some Deramaxx, which is a pain med for dogs, and it seemed to help her. So much so, that I actually was able to run with her occassionally. She never got down or depressed - she kept her happy-go-lucky demeanor, and to her the pain was a minor inconvenience.

Early this month we noticed that a sore was developing on her leg. We took her in, and the Doc indicated that the tumor was breaking through the skin. He said he could excise it, but it would reappear in a couple of weeks and it would be just a futile surgery. So we resolved to keep the wound clean and bound on a regular basis. We did this for a week, and noticed the wound was just getting bigger by the day, and pretty messy too. So I took her back and the Doc said we should start thinking about doing the humane thing. This was on Saturday, July 17. We agreed and made an appointment for Monday the 19th.

On Sunday the 18th I took her to Dog Beach for one last time. Her leg was heavily bandaged and her energy level was down. I carried her onto the sand, but once she realized where we were, she wanted me to let her down. And she played with the other dogs, limping around but playing nonetheless. And yes, with the big dogs, the little snob. We spent about an hour there, and when I brought her home, she was rejouvinated and alive. The next morning, which was the day that she was supposed to be "going home", she was just too perky and alive. I felt it wasn't time yet, so I cancelled the appointment.

For the next week or so I changed her bandage more frequently, and I noticed the wound getting bigger and more bloody. On Monday the 26th I changed her bandage and noticed the irritation from the wound was reaching the top of the leg and the foot as well, so I wrapped up her whole leg real good. Right after that, she seemed to lose her energy. She was lying around all day, and she just wasn't excited about anything anymore. So I started thinking about doing the deed finally.

On Tuesday the 27th, I had to coax her to the kitchen to eat her meal. It was through her meals that I gave her the medication. She wanted to come but had a hard time walking. But I managed to get her to eat her breakfast. I thought about her all day, and when I got home from work I opened the back door and called her outside. Surprisingly, she came right out, as if she was waiting to go in the backyard. She limped to the grass and did her thing. And then she walked over to the gate as if she wanted to go for a walk. So I put on her harness and leash, and we took a walk together. She limped along slowly, but I patiently let her take her time. She sniffed around, and we got to the end of the block and she just stopped. She looked at me with some tired eyes. We turned around, and she limped alongside me all the way home. I didn't realize it at the time, but that would be our last walk together.

When I finally came into the house I saw that she had been vomiting all day. Her breakfast was pretty much all over the bedroom floor. I tested her appetite by giving her some meat from the fridge, but she wouldn't take it. She just wouldn't eat anymore. I knew it was finally time. The next morning, which was this morning, I called Dr. Hetzler and made an appointment.

So this morning we went to the backyard one last time. I cried while holding her, and she looked in my eyes and I could see the pain that she was enduring. She was weak, in pain, and suffering. It was the right thing to do but it was also one of the hardest things I had to do. The time came and I put her in my car and drove her to the vet.

Once we got there, they took us to the room, and they gave her a shot to make her fall asleep. As the nurse injected the medication into her back, Sammie and I locked eyes one last time. With that patented smile, she kept looking into my eyes, with her own eyes getting droopier by the second. Within a couple of minutes she was fully asleep. Dr. Hetzler came in, and shaved a bit of her coat off and put it in a baggie for a keepsake. He then completed the task of sending her Home. Once the final injection was made, Dr. Hetzler put the stethoscope to her heart. I watched Sammie's face, and I saw her tongue come slightly out, then go back in. It would be her final breath. Dr. Hetzler said that she was gone.

I cried all the way home, and when I got home I called Arlain and through my tears gave her the news. When I hung the phone up, I painfully wailed for quite some time. It was almost dog-like, as if I was howling at the moon or something. A loving member of my pack was gone, and I was hurting.

Unfortunately, I had to go back to work, but not after one more stroll in the backyard. It was an empty backyard. I felt lost and alone walking around, and it seemed so much bigger, as if an important presence that used to be there, a presence that used to fill the big void, was missing. She surely was missed. And I found one of her old chew toys laying on the ground. It was a toy newspaper that we had bought for her when we first got her back in 1994. I held it and sat on my back porch, looking out at the empty yard, already missing my beloved Sammie.

I Am Right Here
Michael D. Lewis

You were always there without fail
Sometimes I would neglect you
But you always stood by my side
You never would let me forget you
I just kind of made an assumption
That you’d always be there for me
But the sunset has set right upon you
Leaving me feeling empty

It never occurred to me
That this day would come to pass
Time never seems to slow down
It seems like we travel too fast
And one day the end of the road
Leads us to Heaven’s great lair
But for now, I am right here
And I don’t see you anywhere

I look out at the empty horizon
And it seems so much smaller today
Everything reminds me of you
And how you would frolic and play
Across the grass so green
And through the hills and the trees
So eager to lean up against me
So eager you wanted to please

It never occurred to me
That this day would come to pass
Time never seems to slow down
It seems like we travel too fast
And one day the end of the road
Leads us to Heaven’s great lair
But for now, I am right here
And I don’t see you anywhere

And as I held you close
And said my final goodbyes
Through tears of pain and sadness
I looked right into your eyes
I could see the pain you were holding
Was dragging your spirit away
A spirit so free and giving
A love that forever will stay

I’m holding those knick-knacks and memories
Close to my heart and mind
Looking for meanings and purpose
And looking for gems I can find
And sometimes I’ll fall into old times
And live in the past somewhere
I swear that just for one moment
I saw you standing there

It never occurred to me
That this day would come to pass
Time never seems to slow down
It seems like we travel too fast
And one day the end of the road
Leads us to Heaven’s great lair
But for now, I am right here
And I don’t see you anywhere

Sammie Lewis - 1992 - July 28, 2004

Goodbye to the Metaphor Cafe - The Jewel of Escondido

With Intent had a gig last Saturday (July 17) at the legendary Metaphor Cafe, located on the corner of 2nd Avenue and Juniper in Escondido, CA.  Ed De Caro and I have played there numerous times, beginning with our last band CenterAisle and carrying over into the early incarnation of With Intent (which just consisted of Ed and I) to the current incarnation of With Intent which now includes Dan Stuart and Mark Schlaefli. 
 
When I arrived to the cafe for setup in the early evening I was greeted by the owner of the Metaphor, the great Jim Nemish.  Jim is an Escondido icon.  He has owned many a business over the years (he was a hairdresser by trade) and in the 80's he suffered a serious stomach ailment that required hospitalization.  Many people in the community pulled together and gave him support during his convalesence, and when he got back on his feet he felt compelled to give back to the community.  What resulted was the Metaphor Cafe, established in 1989.  Jim wanted to open a place where people could hang out in a drug-free/crime-free environment.  He wanted that environment to center around the arts.  He encouraged musical acts, comedians, magicians, artists, photographers, sculpters, and any other type of artist to perform at the Metaphor.  He couldn't afford to pay the acts that passed through the Metaphor, heck, he barely broke even over the years.  But that didn't stop the artists from coming in and honing their wares. 
 
Now as I was saying, Jim greeted me last Saturday as I arrived to the Metaphor.  It was a miserably hot, sticky day, but I was looking forward to playing that night.  Jim shook my hand and showed me an article that was written in that day's San Diego Union Tribune, our local newsrag.  And there on the front page of the local section was the headline "The Metaphor to Close its Doors".  I wasn't too surprised, as Jim had alluded to quitting in one of his own online journals on the Metaphor's Website <www.metaphorcafe.com>. 
 
We sat down at the bar and as Jim lit up a cigarette (in violation of code, but why should he give a shit at this point?) Jim talked to me about how the city was putting the screws to him.  Seems all he wanted was to have the city's non-profit small business council open up their books.  They pretty much spat at him, thinking that Jim was just a gnat to be swatted away.  But Jim was persistent.  He had many years under his belt running various businesses on large to small scales; they were not dealing with small potatoes here.  Jim started a petition drive and was successful in getting the books opened.  Suddenly, he found he was being hassled with various code violations.  For example, Jim had a sandwich board he would put on the edge of the sidewalk to advertise the entertainment for the evening.  He got slapped for a code violation for that.  They basically started nickel and diming him.
 
The Metaphor was not doing too well financially for some time.  It had never been a moneymaker, but that was not Jim's intent.  He just wanted for it to pay for itself and make a little profit so he could keep it going.  But 2004 was not kind to Jim, and coupled with the hassles brought forward by City Hall, sadly Jim decided to call it quits. 
 
Since I've resurrected my musical journey a few years ago I have played quite a few gigs.  In fact, I've squeezed more gigs the past two years between CenterAisle and With Intent then I had in my previous 20 years of playing (I took a 12 year break from playing live music in between this time though).  I can say unequivocally that the stage in the Metaphor is one of the smallest I've ever played.  The hum from the neon sign in the window caused some havoc with our amps.  Escondido in the Summer is miserably hot, and the ventilation is not that great in the Metaphor.  But without a doubt, this is the best venue I've ever played, and it has nothing to do with the physical aspects of the place.  No, it just feels like home.  I never have any butterflies when I walk onto that stage.  Even when Ed and I played as a two-some, just an acoustic guitar and a bass, I still felt calmly confident walking on that stage.  
 
I am going to miss playing at the Metaphor.  I envisioned us someday having our CD release party there.  I looked forward to knowing we could always go back and play there in front of the pool players in the back and to the regulars who sat outside, smoking and drinking their coffees or beer.  Most of all, I'm going to miss Jim, his cook Andy, and all the people who make up that great little place.  There was a nobility about the venue, and it makes me sad to see it go.  There's not many places like this for a band to cut their teeth.  Most places are coldly business-like, but the Metaphor was a welcomed respite. 
 
Well, we have one more gig this Saturday the 24th, and we will play the Metaphor no more.  Jim is booked all the way to the final day of August 21.  From August 22-28, Jim will be holding a weeklong party to celebrate before closing the door for good.  I plan on being there.  
 
Jim Nemish, I know I speak for a lot of people you touched over the years, but I'd just like to say Thank You.  The world could use more Jim Nemishs. 
 

With Intent at the Metaphor - Post Gig Thoughts

Well, we had our big debut as a foursome at the Metaphor on Saturday night (July 10). As previously written, we just added Dan Stuart (Lead Guitar/Vocals) and Mark Schlaefli (Drums) just a few weeks ago, and as of Friday night (July 9) we had a grand total of four practices together as a foursome. In fact, Friday night will be a good place to start this blog.

I was dog tired on Friday. I had planned to take a quick cat nap during lunch in my car, but it never materialized. I got so bogged down in work that before I knew it I was looking at my watch and it was 1:30 pm. My lunch was about 1/3 eaten at that point too. Now, I don't miss too many meals, so for me to lag on my lunch meant I was pretty busy.

So work ended, I went home, packed my gear, and took the long trek to Ed's house in Valley Center. It's about a 35 mile drive from my door to his, and I have to take the always-jam-packed-at-rush-hour Interstate 15 North. That's half of the journey. The other half is the trip from the Via Rancho Parkway exit on I-15N to Valley Center through Bear Valley Parkway and the mostly 2-lane road through the mountains.

It took me about an hour and 15 minutes to get there, and I was already dog tired to begin with. I setup, we got going, and I lost my steam real quick. I resolved not to stretch my vocals, so I did the bare minimum. About halfway through practice, I was too tired to stand, so I sat on my Carvin 600W amp. I never had to sit down before that I can recall, usually I have pretty good stamina when it comes to music. I was struggling to keep my eyes open.

Speaking of the Carvin, for some reason I was not satisfied with the tone I was getting. It seemed a little hollow compared to my little Ampeg B-100R (100 watt combo) and it was a bit frustrating. Fortunately it proved to be too loud for us, so I resolved that night to go back to the Ampeg for the gig.

Anyway, we practiced until 11pm, so we got a good 4 1/2 hours of practice in. But we did not finish our setlist. We spent a good portion going over the songs we were shaky on: "Carry On Wayward Son" (Kansas), "Wonderwall" (Oasis), "Kryptonite" (3 Doors Down), "Hollywood Nights" (Bob Seger) were just a few we had to go over a few times. We seemed a little shaky. I'm sure we were all tired. I found myself losing my concentration and making mistakes, and I feel I know all of the parts pretty well.

So gig day comes and I happened to wake up early - comes with the territory if you have three beautiful children who want to get Daddy up and out of bed. So I got up at 6:30 and turned on the cartoons for the kids. Then my brother-in-law comes over with free Padres tickets, and although I just wanted to relax, the temptation to go and take my two-year old son Adam was too great. So off I went to spend the afternoon at Petco Park. It actually rejuvinated me, it was really cool to go (for the first time I might add) and check out the new park with my son. We had great seats at Field Level, and we were in the shade too.

We left in the third inning (two-year olds can't sit still very long), and I came home, got ready, and off to the gig with my wife Arlain and our daughter Mackenzie. We dropped the other two (Adam and Jessica) off at Grandma's.

I wasn't too sure how we'd do at the gig, given that we seemed to be pressing and cramming the night before. Ed, as always, was relaxed and just wanted to treat this as another practice. I resolved to look at it in this fashion too. I felt ok going in.

We setup and did a sound check. We cranked up a couple of our "shaky" numbers that we weren't confident with (hey, it was another opportunity to practice them), which were "I Want to Be With You" (an original) and the Kansas tune "Carry on Wayward Son". They sounded fabulous. We nailed both of those troublesome tunes, and after the soundcheck we felt really good about our prospects.

The gig started, and I was really relaxed. I was situated on the stage with Mark, and it was cool just to be able to have little side conversations with him about anything during the gig. Ed and Dan were on the floor up front. The gig went great. We stumbled a few times, but nothing really noticeable. After the gig I felt we did great. I was proud. I knew we had a good nucleus, and this performance confirmed it in my mind.

We got a lot of kudos from our family and friends, but there was one patron there playing pool who I spotted during our rendition of REO Speedwagon's "Take it on the Run". This person stopped shooting pool to check out Dan's blistering, note-for-note lead solo. Dan played great and this guy noticed. After the gig, this person came up to me and congratulated us and said we sounded great.

I feel Mark and I make a great rhythm section, we seem to be able to compliment each other very well. In time, I think we'll really be a kick-ass rhythm section. I really enjoy playing with him.

Ed recorded the gig, and tomorrow I get to listen to my copy for the first time. Ed has already told me it sounds great. I can't wait to hear it. And it looks like we may be able to play again this Saturday the 17th. Jim Nemish, the owner of the Metaphor, had a band cancel on Saturday so he offered us the slot. We already have a confirmed date on the 24th, so that will be three straight Saturdays at the Metaphor. Woohoo!

And in closing, I want to reiterate that my 1982 Fiesta Red '57 Reissue Fender P-Bass is The Best Bass In The World. She sounded great throught the Ampeg B-100R, the tone just sat really well in the mix, and it was beefy and it was great. No need for the Carvin. I was in bass heaven. Can't wait to hear it on the mp3. Heck, I can't wait to hear all of us. I feel blessed, what a great situation I find myself playing in With Intent.

Thoughts Before Gig Day - T-Minus 2 Days

Hello. It's been awhile. Some thoughts before With Intent's big debut as a four piece this Saturday.

With Intent is ready for our first gig as a four-piece. We're playing at the Metaphor again this Saturday the 10th, and this will prove interesting. Due to our conflicting schedules, we haven't had too much rehearsal time together. Ed and I managed to get together with Dan and Mark separately once each, and since then we have had two 3-hour practices together. We plan on having a full-on run through tomorrow (Friday the 9th), then off to the gig on the next day.

We have a lot of work to do, but the potential is evident. We all mesh together pretty well. It is obvious to me that we are four good musicians who are musically on the same wavelength. We are also definitely four very compatible people. Four up-front guys who just want to play good Rock 'n Roll and work together as a team. The nucleus of talent is also there, we have a good, aggressive sound, yet we also have the potential to be as deep as we are wide, if you know what I mean. In other words, our sound has some heart and soul in it. We now have to work to hone it and let it come out. But come out it will. I am excited.

Dan's lead guitar work is impressive. Solid guitarist, he mixes the right amount of flash and stability. Truly a joy. Mark is getting more comfortable with the tunes, though he would tell you otherwise. He is going to be just fine this Saturday. His drumming is bringing an intensity to all of our original tunes, where in my opinion is where we truly shine. And of course, Ed is his solid, dependable self on vocals, rhythm guitar (he just bought a really nice Carvin guitar) and fearless leadership. We're going to take a conservative approach on Saturday as we haven't had much time as a foursome to rehearse. But I am jacked about this gig, and I'm going to have to really work at just laying back. I must remember to stay disciplined and focused on the groove. It's all about the groove if you're a bass player.

It's been just a short time that we started this endeavor in March. In that timeframe, we have learned about 35 songs, with 8 of them being originals. Ed has one on the docket and I have two. Dan has two ready to go as well. That's 13 originals. I have a few extra ones in my back pocket as well, but all in due time.

Anyway, it will be a challenge this Saturday. Cramming to get ready in a short amount of time. Hauling our equipment and attempting to fit ourselves on that tiny Metaphor stage - we will have to have Ed and Dan play in front of the stage on the floor.

Oh yeah, I am bringing my 600w Carvin amp with 2x10 speakers tomorrow in preparation for the gig as well. I'm having issues with headroom from the little Ampeg B-100R. The Ampeg is a great little tone monster, but it gets lost in the mix of a full band, and I've been pushing it a little too hard so I'm bringing in the big guns. There will be no issues with headroom with the Carvin. I will probably leave the volume at 1.5 and it will be plenty loud enough to cut through with a clean tone.

I have to put a plug in for my Fender '57 Vintage Series bass, my beloved Fiesta Red P-Bass. That thing is a tone monster since I took it in for setup and restringing. I had some TI Flats installed on it, and it gave me a good vintage thump ala Motown and Stax. But I felt something missing, and I soon (re)discovered what that was - that sizzle that I used to get from playing roundwound strings. I have been listening to The Who's Live at Leeds CD in my car for the past 4 weeks, and really getting back into digging my bass-playing role model and absolute favorite bassist of all time John Alec Entwistle, "The Ox". Now on that recording he played his beloved "Frankenstein" P-Bass, which was essentially cobbled together from parts from various P-Basses he had either broken or smashed. I started Jonesing for that tone big time. So I took the '57 Fiesta Red P to my Guitar Tech, the brilliant Fred Marotta at the Repair Zone in Kearny Mesa (San Diego) off Ronson Road (http://nakedguitar.com). If you live in San Diego and you are a guitarist, I highly recommend that you let Fred and his crack team take care of your axe. Fred put some D'Addario XL Round Wounds on it, tweaked the setup, and wouldn't you know it, I was able to cop the Entwistle Live at Leeds tone with no problem. Been working on the typewriter tapping style that The Ox popularized, and although I am just a hack trying to emulate a true artistic visionary, I am getting a little more adept and I'm actually using this technique to some extent on a few of our tunes.

Anyway, the Fiesta Red P-Bass (which I will someday write about in it's own little Blog, there's an interesting story behind it) is the Best Bass In The World. You can have your high-end boo-teek basses, I'll keep this one thank you very much. It will be interesting to run this through the Carvin and see how it sits in the mix.

Well, that's all for now. I hope to be writing more regularly.

Good night now.