Destiny and Moments

I believe it has always been my destiny to play music. I do it for love and not for money, which I believe is the right reason to do it. Hasn't always been the case, but it is now. And looking back, I can see that God has always set my life up with that door to walk in regardless of the roads I've chosen to travel and the destinations I happened to be stationed during any particular time in my life.

When I was 13 years old, I picked up a broomstick and strummed it like a guitar. My parents asked me if I wanted to learn how to play guitar. I excitedly answered "Yes!", and so they bought me a cheap acoustic guitar from the Sears catalog. Many nights of studying the Mel Bay Easy Guitar Method Book 1 followed, and after a few months, I had worked my way up from inept to lousy. I think that can be considered progress anyway.

I kept at it. I fancied myself as a guitar player, but other then knowing a handful of my major, minor and seventh chords, I wasn't very good. I convinced my parents to buy me an electric, a cherry sunburst Les Paul knockoff and a small amp, both from the Sears catalog. I wanted to play blistering leads like Ace Frehley of KISS, but I didn't even understand the concepts of scales and how they applied to chords and signature keys.

Nonetheless, I soldiered on. In 1979, when I was 16-going-on-17, I managed to hook up with a bunch of friends in high school. They needed someone to play bass for their garage band. I didn't have a bass, but I had an electric guitar and amp. So, I brought that in, dialed the treble all the way off on both the amp and the guitar, and played the bass solely on the low E string of the Sears Les Paul.

Something clicked. Somehow I understood the concept of the bass using the root note to support the song. It was rudimentary (not to mention comical, playing bass on the guitar using only one string), but I stuck around for the summer playing with these guys. Alas, summer ended and the guys found a real bass player to play with, and I went back to the bedroom, noodling around with no direction or idea on how to get better on guitar.

I went through high school in this mode, and then into college. I pretty much gave up on the idea of playing in a band. I really loved music, and I loved writing too. I kicked around the idea of becoming a writer so I could write for a music magazine like Rolling Stone. It was settling for second-best, but at least it would be involved with music.

A friend of mine (who happened to be the drummer of the aforementioned garage band and had now taken up the guitar) was in between bands and recruited me to play the Sears Les Paul again as a bass player . Another friend, who was an excellent drummer, rounded out the trio. We were crude, but we sounded pretty good. We kept jamming together, and we became committed to practicing a few times a week. I broke down, saved my pennies from my job at McDonalds, and bought an Avila P-Bass knockoff from Bonavero's Music in Chula Vista CA.

Now before I continue, I must talk a little about Bonavero's Music. This place specialized in cheap knock-off guitars and was owned by a big Italian man named Bonavero. He actually lived in the store in the back.

Bonavero's competed with Harper's Music down the street. Harper's was the big music store of the city, and Harper's was where all of the school band players went to either buy or rent their instruments. They also sold Fender and Gibson guitars there. It was like going to Disneyland to go to Harpers and drool over the Fenders they had on display, always out of reach for me to grab and play (as if I could anyway). I knew that Bonavero's was more my range, and in high school I went to Bonavero's to check out the wares. Not knowing any better, I strolled in and asked Bonavero if they had any basses for sale. He asked what kind of bass I was looking for. I said, "I don't know, do you have any Fenders?".

His face morphed into a giant scowl and he proceeded to launch into a tirade about how I didn't really want to buy anything in his store, and I was wasting his time, and that I should just go to Harper's. He literally chased me out of the store. Somehow, I felt for the guy and didn't blame him for this. I knew I'd be back when I had the cash in hand and I was ready to buy.

I eventually went back and I picked up the Hondo P-Bass. During the transaction, he showed me a big wad of cash he had in his pocket. He explained how he handled the cash himself. And then he asked me if I knew how he could feel safe with all this money. I shrugged my shoulders and said "I dunno", and he then pulled out a Saturday Night Special and showed it to me. "This," he said, "is my protection". Hell if I know why he decided to show a skinny baby-faced kid like me a revolver, but it was uncomfortable for sure.

I heard that Bonavero eventually contracted cancer in the mid 80's and whithered away. His shop got sold, and I'm not sure what's there now. Perhaps I'll venture down to Chula Vista soon and cruise down 3rd Avenue to see what rests on old Bonavero's music shoppe. Probably a Starbucks I would guess.

Anyway, I now had the Avila, and our band took off. The band was called "The Radical Molesters", and before long we were playing a lot of college parties. I found myself to be a natural on the bass. I learned a minor pentatonic scale, and suddenly a whole world opened up for me. Using that scale, I found myself able to understand a premise of the style of my new hero, bassist John Entwistle of The Who. Only a few months as a full-time bassist, and people were coming up to me complimenting me on my playing.

I contemplated my good fortune. I had a "moment", which is something I experience where everything stands still for a few seconds and I have a totally lucid moment of clarity where I am able to bask and glow in the goodness that surrounds me. It's one of those "life can't get any better then this" moments, and it truly warms my heart when that happens, which isn't very often. This "moment" was the notion that I had given up on playing, but something bigger then me somehow scooped me up and put me in the situation that I had dreamed of. I now know what the "Something Bigger" is. I kind of knew it back then too, I just wasn't a very gracious person back then.

My youthful arrogance stripped away what grace I might have possessed (which was probably close to nil) and set me on a destructive path. Relationships were were broken, friendships ended, and egos raged on. I had a big hand in my own downfall. By the end of the 80's, I had soured on music and set it aside. I had become a decent bass player, but I had much to learn; at the time I didn't think so, I felt I knew it all.

In 1991 I had met my current wife Arlain and we were married that year. I gave up on music completely, and sold all of my equipment. I was done. Time went on, and I would wistfully think about music and what might've been and all that I had wasted. I had a great opportunity to truly enhance my life in a spiritual way and I completely dropped the ball. Well, it was too late now, I was married, had a full-time job, and I was set on a path.

Well, God is the lifeforce of all we know (and all we don't know too). Again this fact was proven to me. In 2000, my first child Mackenzie, a daughter, was born. My job was in jeopardy due to the dot-com implosion that was occurring during this timeframe. I really found The Lord during this time. I prayed daily, and I leaned on Him for strength to get through my workplace crisis. I was truly living minute-to-minute, and I was praying to God a lot. I didn't pray for a new job, I didn't pray to win the lotto, I didn't pray for a golden gaggle of money, I just prayed for strength. Strength to make it to the next hour. That's all I needed.

I found myself really itching to play again, just to keep my mind off my troubles. I talked Arlain into letting me pickup a bass, and thankfully she let me, even with the turmoils surrounding me with work. I bought a Rickenbacker 4003 in Sea Green (which I still have) and began seriously noodling again.

I was extremely rusty. I did not have an amp, but I didn't care. I was playing music again. I started gaining an appreciation of this gift, the gift of playing music. Even though I wasn't doing anything more then sitting in my room ripping out rusty old Who and Rush riffs. I thanked God for giving me this joy once again.

I eventually got laid off. I truly lived minute-to-minute in order to keep focused on what I had to do, and that was to find another job. My layoff notice gave me three weeks (unpaid) to find a job while technically an employee - this was a good advantage as it allowed me to access company resources to search for a new job. I managed to get a couple of early interviews, one within the company and one outside the company, but time marched on and I was getting close to the endgame. On my last day of leave-without-pay, I received a call from the internal position, and I got the job! Yahoo, I didn't have to leave my company, and I was secure!

I reported to work the next Monday and ran into an old acquaintance, Brian Baxter. We had casually played a couple of times together in the 80's and it was a total coincidence to run into him again. He asked if I was playing, and I told him I was! So he introduced me to his boss Harry Brandon, and they invited me to play with them and a drummer they had recruited named Ed De Caro (yes, that Ed De Caro).

My first few jams with them were filled with many Moments. I basked in my good fortune. I was playing music again, and I was truly grateful to God. Just when it seemed I was out for good, once again he put me back into the situation I seemed to be born for.

That was three years ago. Brian, Harry, Ed and I split up. Egos got in the way, nerves were frayed, personalities clashed, and though we all remain friends, we broke up. It was inevitable. On my end I was starting to get tired of the hassle of the politicking within the band, so it was good that we split.

I found myself immediately being recruited in two directions musically: 1) my church's praise band and 2) by Ed De Caro to play in With Intent. I took both opportunities. Before I could even blow it myself, God was gracious enough to open two musical doors for me.

In the past year or so that I've been doing this double-duty, I have improved immensly as a bass player. I can actually sight read a little now, and this is from playing with the church. And my participation in With Intent has netted me valuable time working on my vocals. I can sing a lot better now, probably better then I ever have (although I still consider myself a lousy singer) - I can competently back Ed up with harmony and backup vocals when appropriate. And I feel totally in command of my bass playing with Ed's band. I know I still have a lot to learn, but standing on stage and playing in With Intent, I have been having quite a few Moments and it feels good.

I currently have some serious time issues in my life. I have three little kids, and I consider myself a family man. I strive to give my family the priority. But there are times when I neglect them when doing band things. I'm starting to think that maybe, for the good of my family, it's time to take a hiatus from music and focus on the family. Maybe so. But before I decide to do anything, I think I'll let the One who put me on this road in the first place decide if that's the path I should take. I think it isn't really my decision whether I should quit or not. God will make that choice for me. Many milestones in my life attest to that.